My Breastfeeding Journey Part II: Halfway across the country and back!
2 months. Ainsley was 2 months old and breastfeeding was still not pain free. I did the math and that's approximately 610 feedings. That's like 2,440 latch-ons (figuring it took a couple tries to get it right). I would have thought with that much practice we would have had the act down to a science. By 2 months, I thought she would be taking a bottle part-time. I thought we'd be ready to go anywhere and do anything. So when things were still rocky, I started getting frustrated, really frustrated.
At this point, I was still seeing the lactation consultant and attending her support group, and it was helpful. However, the group had a very small showing of moms and sometimes I was the only one. Good, because I got the one-on-one help I needed with latching and positioning, bad, because I started to feel like I was the only mother on earth with a 10 week old baby who was still having nursing issues. I had friends who also had babies about 1.5 - 2 months after me who were just beginning their breastfeeding journey. As they were experiencing some of the difficulties I described in Part I, I wanted so badly to tell them that it gets easier, but I was still struggling myself and my encouragement was weak. Many moms told me if they had as much trouble as I did, they would have given up. I knew I could have just pumped and Ainsley would have gotten the same stuff, but that wasn't enough for me. I was starting to feel crazy. Why did I want this so bad?
Also looming over my head was our impending trip to Great Lakes, IL to see my brother graduate from Navy boot camp. Let me clarify-- our impending ROAD trip to Great Lakes. It was a week before the trip and Ainsley still had not taken a bottle and I was still a leaky, sweaty, itchy, sore mess. How the heck were we gonna get across the country with a baby who didn't take a bottle and a mom who cried more than the baby?
Well, it was around this time I found the support group I go to now. One of the moms at the other group told me about it. It was closer to home so I figured I'd check it out. Now, this one was drastically different. There were moms, babies and boobies everywhere! Some big, some small, some old, some young, some just starting their journey and some who've been at it for years. Walking into this group was a bit of a shock for this modest mom, but in a way, it was just what I needed. I realized that no, I was not crazy, and no, I was not the only mom who felt so passionate about breastfeeding that she would struggle for weeks, even months, to get it right. Here, I learned about lip and tongue ties, cranial-sacral therapy, lecithin and coconut oil. I'm still learning wonderful little tricks and tips from all the fellow moms.
Anyway, after much debate, I decided to do it. I was taking Ainsley with me to Chicago. Ryan had to work, but with the help of my parents and my sister, I figured we'd be OK. Turned out to be better than OK... it was awesome! We were all nervous. None of us could anticipate how Ainsley was going to be in the car that long and I was scared shitless about coming down with mastitis. Oh and let's not forget the issue of space and privacy. The night before we left, my other brother, Garrett (aka Uncle "G") also decided to join us. That meant there were going to be 5 adults, a baby and all our stuff packed into one car for a 17 hour drive halfway across the country! If you agreed with me before and thought I was crazy, you now must be thinking I am completely insane. But like I said, the trip turned out to be awesome. Our big, loud, argumentative family somehow managed to get along (for the most part), Ainsley took the bottle and let us drive 5 hour stretches without stopping, and, though I was still uncomfortable, I didn't get mastitis.
Even though it was wonderful, the trip was not absent of some awkward and hilarious moments. Pumping in the car with my dad and brother was certainly interesting. I always thought that the pump sounds like it's saying, "Wacko, wacko, wacko" and that's all I could think of when we were on the road, "Yes, I am pretty wacko!" My poor brother saw my boobs more in one weekend than he would have liked to in his entire lifetime. I even kicked him and my dad out of the hotel room one evening so I could do my usual stripping from the top up and nurse Ainsley without having to cover up. I got pretty comfortable nursing Ainsley in public (I used my hand-dandy Hooter Hider, but it was still public): on the train into the city, in restaurants, parks, wherever and whenever she got hungry. But the best and most awkward moment was when we were stuck in traffic on some local roads between the hotel and the naval base and she was screaming. We didn't have a bottle on-hand, so I had no choice but to literally lean over her in the car seat and dangle feed her (yes, that is actually a thing)... totally ridiculous! Even Ainsley looked at me like I was nuts!
Well, looking back, I think that trip was a turning point for me. I'm not saying that I still didn't have 2 more months with a bleb that would not go away and a few cases of mastitis, but things definitely started to change for the better. I started taking Ainsley to physical therapy and somewhere around 4 months, my nipples just didn't hurt anymore. After all the struggles, I was finally comfortable when Ainsley nursed.
My breastfeeding journey is in no way over and as long as it continues, I'm sure I will always have questions and concerns. But I know so much more now than I ever thought I would and I have the support of a great group of women to help me out. I also know that when it IS over with Ainsley I'm gonna be sad. I guess that's when we'll be ready for number 2! And here's to hoping that journey is a bit easier than this one!
At this point, I was still seeing the lactation consultant and attending her support group, and it was helpful. However, the group had a very small showing of moms and sometimes I was the only one. Good, because I got the one-on-one help I needed with latching and positioning, bad, because I started to feel like I was the only mother on earth with a 10 week old baby who was still having nursing issues. I had friends who also had babies about 1.5 - 2 months after me who were just beginning their breastfeeding journey. As they were experiencing some of the difficulties I described in Part I, I wanted so badly to tell them that it gets easier, but I was still struggling myself and my encouragement was weak. Many moms told me if they had as much trouble as I did, they would have given up. I knew I could have just pumped and Ainsley would have gotten the same stuff, but that wasn't enough for me. I was starting to feel crazy. Why did I want this so bad?
Also looming over my head was our impending trip to Great Lakes, IL to see my brother graduate from Navy boot camp. Let me clarify-- our impending ROAD trip to Great Lakes. It was a week before the trip and Ainsley still had not taken a bottle and I was still a leaky, sweaty, itchy, sore mess. How the heck were we gonna get across the country with a baby who didn't take a bottle and a mom who cried more than the baby?
Well, it was around this time I found the support group I go to now. One of the moms at the other group told me about it. It was closer to home so I figured I'd check it out. Now, this one was drastically different. There were moms, babies and boobies everywhere! Some big, some small, some old, some young, some just starting their journey and some who've been at it for years. Walking into this group was a bit of a shock for this modest mom, but in a way, it was just what I needed. I realized that no, I was not crazy, and no, I was not the only mom who felt so passionate about breastfeeding that she would struggle for weeks, even months, to get it right. Here, I learned about lip and tongue ties, cranial-sacral therapy, lecithin and coconut oil. I'm still learning wonderful little tricks and tips from all the fellow moms.
Anyway, after much debate, I decided to do it. I was taking Ainsley with me to Chicago. Ryan had to work, but with the help of my parents and my sister, I figured we'd be OK. Turned out to be better than OK... it was awesome! We were all nervous. None of us could anticipate how Ainsley was going to be in the car that long and I was scared shitless about coming down with mastitis. Oh and let's not forget the issue of space and privacy. The night before we left, my other brother, Garrett (aka Uncle "G") also decided to join us. That meant there were going to be 5 adults, a baby and all our stuff packed into one car for a 17 hour drive halfway across the country! If you agreed with me before and thought I was crazy, you now must be thinking I am completely insane. But like I said, the trip turned out to be awesome. Our big, loud, argumentative family somehow managed to get along (for the most part), Ainsley took the bottle and let us drive 5 hour stretches without stopping, and, though I was still uncomfortable, I didn't get mastitis.
Even though it was wonderful, the trip was not absent of some awkward and hilarious moments. Pumping in the car with my dad and brother was certainly interesting. I always thought that the pump sounds like it's saying, "Wacko, wacko, wacko" and that's all I could think of when we were on the road, "Yes, I am pretty wacko!" My poor brother saw my boobs more in one weekend than he would have liked to in his entire lifetime. I even kicked him and my dad out of the hotel room one evening so I could do my usual stripping from the top up and nurse Ainsley without having to cover up. I got pretty comfortable nursing Ainsley in public (I used my hand-dandy Hooter Hider, but it was still public): on the train into the city, in restaurants, parks, wherever and whenever she got hungry. But the best and most awkward moment was when we were stuck in traffic on some local roads between the hotel and the naval base and she was screaming. We didn't have a bottle on-hand, so I had no choice but to literally lean over her in the car seat and dangle feed her (yes, that is actually a thing)... totally ridiculous! Even Ainsley looked at me like I was nuts!
Well, looking back, I think that trip was a turning point for me. I'm not saying that I still didn't have 2 more months with a bleb that would not go away and a few cases of mastitis, but things definitely started to change for the better. I started taking Ainsley to physical therapy and somewhere around 4 months, my nipples just didn't hurt anymore. After all the struggles, I was finally comfortable when Ainsley nursed.
My breastfeeding journey is in no way over and as long as it continues, I'm sure I will always have questions and concerns. But I know so much more now than I ever thought I would and I have the support of a great group of women to help me out. I also know that when it IS over with Ainsley I'm gonna be sad. I guess that's when we'll be ready for number 2! And here's to hoping that journey is a bit easier than this one!
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